Family

TICK TOCK #2

TICK-TOCK

Quick check for dirty spots

TICK-TOCK

Another quick mop

TICK-TOCK

Must make sure the toothbrushes are in their assigned spots

TICK-TOCK

he’s on the dot

TICK TICK K-A-B-O-O-M

I… forgot to clean the clock

*******

When you meet her you would never know from her beaming face that she has been through hell and is still clawing her way out of it.

She can neither read or write and but is fortunate to have a job as a labourer. With this job as well as selling betelnut after work she manages to make ends meet and support her children.

She has an ex who won’t let go and prefers to sweet talk her into coming back with anything he can get his hands on. Its been years of constant physical, mental and verbal abuse.

She has taken out restraining orders but her ex does not adhere to them.

Recently he jabbed her in the thigh with a knife it would had been deeper had she not been standing behind a door forcing it to close while he swung wildly at her

I don’t know how to help her. Relocating her I think is not an option because she can not read or write and finding a job would be extremely difficult and I do not have the means to support her. We do not have welfare benefits in PNG so it seems like a dead end.

She had him arrested but is under immense pressure from his wantoks (relatives) to drop the charges and do away with the restraining orders.

I am moving to town in several days and I am very worried about her.

She lives in fear.

I feel like crap but don’t how else to help her.

Sometimes I think it would be better if I did not care. If I looked the other way. But I can’t so how the frig do I get rid of the guilt? The feeling of being useless and what do I do?

Sometimes life is so #$%&*.

Advertisements

WALK ON

Walk on,

my feet,

quaver but keep on,

Hope,

be my walking stick,

Faith,

my footwear,

Walk on,

my feet,

Justice,

my guiding light,

trip but keep on,

Walk on,

Keep on,

Up or down,

Walk,

Walk on.

****

I sit here under my mosquito net typing this post while all around me, my family sleep.

I wish sleep would come. I wish my heart stopped aching. I wish for many things.

A month ago a young family member came for my help. She came with a story of an older family member sexually harassing her.

She is thirteen. He is in his late 30’s. They live in the same house despite most of my family insisting we solved it in-house I pushed for it to be reported to the police.

So we went down and reported the matter. She came down and went through the interviewing etc. They told us to move her so we did. They told us they would come and arrest him so we waited and waited.

We went down again only to find out the first complaint was never filed. We had to file another one.

During that time he threatened her with a knife and stalked her.

As time went we realised she needs a lot of help. Help, we are not able to give. We went to Social Welfare only to be told time and time again they were in meetings.

Every night he circled the home we moved her too. He brings her gifts; treats; and cash. He sees nothing wrong in what he is doing.

Three days ago it reached boiling point and we went back down to the police station. They told us TO DEAL WITH HIM OURSELVES and bring down to the police station ourselves because they had no fuel to come up and find him.

It seems that because no actual penetration happened it’s not a serious case even though he did attempt to force her to service him orally.

He is on the run now after another family member exploded and punched him when he said he was in ‘a relationship’ with the child.

So now he is out there..a Mary Jane addict who has threatened to kill this child and no real help for the child insight.

So where do we go? How do we help this child? HOW MANY CHILDREN REACHED OUT FOR HELP BUT NEVER GOT IT? So many questions…so I wrote this to keep on going…I must!!

aching

Maiya

Just to Be

 
 
Just to be
Hear me
these shoulders
 heavy laden
I plod in the field
amongst
 the blossoms and weeds
send your angels
to carry me
 
here I stand
still the storm
around
and inside
me
 
arms outstretched
waiting
send the wind
to pick me up
take me to
 where you be
 
I am weary
I yearn
 just to be
send a moonbeam
for me to climb
 
no minds
no expectations
no obligations
no nothing
just to be
 
here take my heart
it burdens me
remove the splinters
lodged deep
 
hear me
I slump
waiting
my God
answer
me
 
send
 me
a rainbow
a dove
a sunrise
a promise
of what
tomorrow
brings
 
so
tomorrow
I can just be
 *********
 
 
 

I know Angels and so do you

 

Last night frustrated with life. I knelt down and prayed. I heard My Lord Jesus whisper the answers to every request.
 
I asked for patience.
He whispered a name and said, “Don’t you remember what you were like before he came?”
 
I asked for unconditional love.
I heard the smile in his voice as he said, “look into your child’s eyes nothing you will ever do or say will take that away. My love is the same.”
 
I asked for strength.
Again he whispered a name. Then said, “When you heard what she had been through and still was able to smile everyday. Didn’t you have the strength to do the same?”
 
Every character trait, I asked for he whispered a name. Then showed what they gave me.
 
I always thought these would be given to me supernaturally in some special way.  Jesus would wave his hands over me while I was sleeping and I would wake up filled with love, courage, strength, patience and wisdom and so many other things I have asked for, in my many prayers.
 
Then I realize what has been in front of me all along, every step of the way, each and every day!
 
He did it by sending people or Angels my way.
 
Wether it was as a spiritual mentor or someone to make me laugh so I could make through another day. Or wether it was by witnessing their life, their support or just by being themselves. I learnt from them.
 
He introduced people in my life, throughout my life. Sometimes for short periods or long ones depending on what I needed at that time, at that stage of my journey to a better me.
 
Close your eyes and think back to the most painful times in your life. Chances are you will see a friend or someone who made your life bearable during those days.
 
Or maybe during a time of rage when the voice of reason was a family member or a workmate. 
 
Or just someone who said, “Hello” while you were walking to work one day feeling like a grain of sand on a long damp beach.
 
God sent them your way!

*****

RIP M.B   Thank you for all your “Hellos“.

Several weeks ago I made a trip into town to see the dentist and do some shopping for my home.

While I was there I was told a friend a former workmate was very sick and in hospital. I said I would visit her and went to the dentist which was only a few corridors down from where she was.  A couple of minutes walk.

When I left, I decided I would go later and went to the lodge where we were staying. The next day I went shopping even managed to go get some news clothles, reply to comments on my blog then went back to the lodge. We left the next day.

She passed away a couple days later. She was a good woman.

Please go visit your friends, loved ones, family. Make the time. Even if it is to say “Hello”.

This is an old piece I wrote and emailed out to my friends years before I got the courage to start my blog.  I did some changes to it and posted it for you all and mostly to my friend M.B.

In Bed with Me #2

In my bed

 we lie,

all three of we,

 

a clone,

a ghost,

 and me,

 

pain roars for battle,

against

my unseen enemy,

 

to inflict,

the same,

 as was

dealt to me,

  

my spirit prances,

eager for a war,

lost,

before it begins.

 

against an apparition,

for a clone,

I do not know,

 

we dine,

my bond,

his shackles,

next to me,

  

across from me,

beside the moon and stars,

he sits,

 

a mannequin,

blood red,

 painted on grin,

 

I touch,

 but do not feel,

 

I speak,

 He grins,

 

here we lie,

a clone,

 lying beside,

a ghost,

who lies,

 next to me

******

#2

 

 

Tick tock

tick tock

Body clock

tick tock tick tock

timetable shot

tick tock tick tock tick tock

still empty cots

tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock

make it stop

tick tick tick tick

pleassse help me God

tock

**********

Been trying to have a baby for  a while now so this piece came from that experience.  I wish it was as easy as my 8yr old said, “just go to the store and get one.”   When I sat down to write it, all I could get was the clock ticking in my head.